A Tale of Two Shoes
By: Danita Trahan
If you’ve listened to my show at any point over the last few months, you’ve heard that I shattered my heel bone back in October. Here’s an update on my recovery.
Calcaneus Update
7 months, 30.1 weeks, 213 days today since I shattered my right calcaneus. That is my heel bone.
7 months. 7 months since I’ve walked on two feet without a care in the world.
In 10 days, it’ll be 7 months since I had 14 screws and a metal plate surgically inserted into my foot.
I used to say that I broke my foot. I learned quickly that shattering your calcaneus is a whole different level of injury.
It’s one of the worst breaks your body can suffer. Traumatic in every sense – physically, mentally, spiritually.
I know I’ve prayed more in these last seven months. Prayers, silent and very loud, for healing. Prayers like I’ve never prayed before.
In the famous words of my doctor, “You should have broken your back.” The recovery is typically 6 months – 2 years. I’m 7 months in.
Heelies, those of us who have this injury, wear our scars like badges of honor. Even though I still cry when I look at my scar, it’s healed so well, it’s pretty hard to believe. It’s definitely not where I was when they first cut my foot open.
This has been an extremely exhausting mental challenge. It’s hard to explain the mind games this injury plays. I struggle every day.
Regaining strength and learning to walk again, has become a job. Every step has a purpose. Where I never considered a step before, I have to map out a walking plan before wasting steps.
Anyone who knows me, knows I LOATHE socks and I’m now relegated to wearing one every day, or I could just deal with the overwhelming swelling. I hate having to wear compression socks with a passion. Good thing about them, though, is that these days, one pair goes twice as far! Hehe.
Plus, it’s already 100 degrees in South Louisiana. I hate having one leg covered up and compressed.
The problem is that my entire foot is still recovering. The bottom, back half of my foot, as well as the entire ankle area has been reconstructed. The nerves are regenerating, so I feel new sensations daily. Some are surprising. Some are outright shocking. A tiny grain of sand feels like Legos. It can bring me to my knees in an instant and bring tears to my eyes without hesitation.
And don’t forget about all that swelling.
It still swells, although now, it only swells to the size of a golf ball, instead of the size of a softball like it used to get. From the moment I get out of bed in the morning, til I get home and elevate it at night, it swells. All day. Every day.
If you’ve seen me at any point in my recovery post-scooter, you’ve seen me rocking the so (un)cool “slipper-with-a-compression-sock” look on my right foot. With my normal, everyday shoe on the left. I’ve been rocking it so long, that it doesn’t even phase me that I’m wearing two completely different shoes, and an unflattering knee-high sock on one side.
According to my kid, I’ve “got the fit.” I guess that means I’m hip and trendy?? Lol.
The one Adidas Cloudfoam Slipper I’ve been wearing since I transitioned to shoes, has literally saved my soul…and my sole! It was worth the price of both, to just use the one. (Ha, us heelies have lots of punny feet jokes!)
(No, Adidas is NOT, paying me to gush about their absolutely amazing, walking on air, Adidas Cloudfoam Slippers, but if they sent me some of the pink Adidas Cloudfoam Slippers in a 9, I’m happy to wear them every day and scream their awesomeness from the rooftops. Well, not the rooftops…from the patio. I no longer climb ladders, or anything higher than a 2nd grader these days. Even that’s iffy.)
According to my insurance, “I’m healed!” I wish I were, but FTR, I am not. But because they say I’m done, I have no more PT. So, now, staying the course and keeping up with stretching and exercising is hard.
Heeled? Yes. Healed? Not at all. Hehe.
Imagine everything you use your heel bone for? Are you doing that? Just try to get up from your chair or walk to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom to brush your teeth. You use your heel bone for every single thing you do, especially if you want to get to something.
Now, imagine shattering it and having it repaired with enough screws to build a small she-shed. All in your itty-bitty heel bone. Then, imagine them sewing it all up. Then, imagine not walking on it for 4 months. Lol. Then, imagine learning to walk, all over again…
Yeah, I’m nowhere near healed.
It IS getting better, though…
I have made some huge strides. Ha. (Another heelie joke!)
I can finally sleep with my foot under covers without feeling the weight of the blankets or being irritated by the texture. This is HUGE! It was a tiny, little milestone that I didn’t realize was a milestone.
Stairs are getting easier. I still have to concentrate on what I’m doing when I’m walking, especially if I’m going downstairs or off a curb or down an incline or a driveway, but I’m not as slow as I was. My walking is becoming more “natural.” Whatever that might be. I’m getting stronger, faster, quicker. I’ve still got a limp and I think I’ll have one for the foreseeable future.
I still use my boot, just because it’s so much easier to walk in, especially when I’m doing a lot of walking, but it’s not being used nearly as much as it was, if at all most weeks.
When I’m just walking, I’m always in my Adidas slipper.
Walking is still very exhausting. Big stores – Walmart, Sam’s, Target, even Walgreeens or the supermarket – are so very intimidating. I must mentally prepare and hype myself up to make it through a big shopping trip. Mainly just to get my steps in for the day.
Balancing is still not something I am confident doing. The little things like putting on pants while standing on one leg is getting easier, but I am still not 100% doing it without fail. And it is still so frustrating.
I still struggle on my tippy toes. I notice most when I try to reach for something on top of the fridge or in a corner cabinet. Even the slightest misstep or tilt of the foot the wrong way, and it’s like a punch in the gut and can take my breath away. My injury always reminds me of its presence. Every day. All the time.
I never really ran before the injury (haha), so it’s not like I’m itching to run, but I definitely can’t run. Not sure I even want to, but I know it will have to be a milestone at some point in the future.
New obstacles for me include different types of terrain. If I’m going from asphalt to concrete or wood floors to tile, I feel it all through my slipper. It’s the weirdest sensation. I always hesitate when I see bricks or uneven flooring. I sometimes won’t even walk on grass. I never know what’s lurking underneath. If there’s a hole or even the slightest dip, I’m screwed.
Even the insignificant thresholds in-between every door, in every building, every-damn-where(!!!) can completely mess me up. Crazy, isn’t it?
My latest milestone to reach will be walking barefoot. I used to love walking barefoot. When I was younger, my mom used to always tell me that I was gonna get sick from walking around barefoot all the time.
Now? It’s scary. It hurts. Really, really hurts.
I have yet to walk barefoot for any length of time. It literally stops me in my tracks. And it’s oh so completely and utterly painful.
The beach, once my happy place, is the most unappealing place to even consider being, at least for my right foot. The rest of my body is ready, but my foot just can’t. All that sand? It’s terrifying.
I bought the slipper a couple sizes too big, a few months ago, to account for the swelling and wraps I was still using. Recenly, my foot has finally started getting back down to a somewhat normal size and my slipper is now, just a little too big.
Here’s the problem, though. Shopping for shoes is not something I’m excited about. And I’m a girl who LOVED shoes. ALL of the shoes.
Now? Not so much. I have enormous anxiety when I think of trying to put on an actual shoe. I have an atrocious scar, atrocious swelling and atrocious pain always follows when I try stuffing it into one. I haven’t worn a PAIR of shoes, the same ones, the same size, in 7 months.
But…
Today, I was walking by and noticed an old shoe on a box by the front door. This wasn’t just any shoe. This was the shoe that I was wearing when I fell from a thirteen-foot ladder on October 10th. The one I wore when I shattered my calcaneus into a bunch of tiny pieces. I haven’t seen it since that day. I actually haven’t worn a matching PAIR of shoes since that day.
The shoe was just randomly sitting there. So, I grabbed it and decided to try to put it on.
Y’ALL…IT FIT!!! I couldn’t believe it fit. I started bawling. It was a shoe miracle!!
I spent the next 45 minutes looking for the left one. I hadn’t worn it since that day and I had to dig into the back of the closet to find it. But I did!
I wore that PAIR of shoes for a bit and even wore that PAIR of shoes to work today. And not just any pair of shoes. THAT PAIR.
I eventually had to switch to my trusty chancla, only because the swelling made it a little too snug after a while, and I’ll definitely need to find a heel cushion insert that will work with my shoes going forward (they definitely weren’t Cloudfoam!!), but I WORE a PAIR of shoes for the FIRST TIME IN SEVEN MONTHS. I wore a PAIR of MATCHING shoes at that!!
I know, I know, it’s just a shoe, but to me, it’s so much more. It’s a testament to my recovery. To the strength I never dreamed I had. To the determination to walk again. It’s hard not to get emotional when I think of my journey. It’s hard not to fall into a puddle of tears just simply from the joy of finally being where I am. Simply because it’s soooo far from where I was when I fell on that beautiful October day.
I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have to think about the next step. Or the next stair or the next stretch of uneven sidewalk. I can’t wait for the day when I will just walk without a care in the world. I can’t wait for that day.
